I lost my way. I drew a map. I found another planet. I'm not coming back.

And when I place those fingers on the tabs, I want words to flow. Thoughts to speak themselves out. Moments to be captured and images to form. People to come alive, right there. Something tragic to happen. Not war, maybe a murder or something. damn, I have nothing to talk about otherwise.

I want to do something reeeeeeeeeally evil and bad and mean. And it doesn't stop at I 'want' to. I am going to. The only joke is, I do not know what to do. Dear happy sunshiny life, please let some evil happen.

I am such a cow. Or maybe a cat. I wish to be called a big fat Hippo.

No man, i ain't quitting blogging. You can't get that lucky. Else who will fling refrigerators at you?

Just GO, will you?

Look inside, look inside your tiny mind and play a bit harder.

If I were a guy, I'd walk up to her, work my charm, win her. I would have made sure you lost.

Right now, I'm just a silent back row spectator. What makes you think you'r the smartest dog on Earth baby?

Standing there, laughing at a joke not even half as funny, eyes elsewhere, but the mind, it was this close to you. You had just walked across raging waters to get to the other side, using me. I never missed the twinkle in those eyes after you got there. And oddly, I'd build a million bridges for you to cross over if it only got a twinkle in those eyes. I want you to be gone with the wind...And never come back. I can't let you make me go weak in the knees.

If we could trade places for a day and it'd last forever.

You know, sometimes, you know you are better, or may be even the best. You know you are better than a certain xyz, but then, that feeling of 'why can't I be xyz' still slowly crawls into your head? Does it happen to you too? Like, I know I may sound anything but modest right now, but well I don't really have a reason to be envious of some random sweet chick , but, well I am. Today, this -blah- morning, I am. Am I the only one who acts all melodramatic like it's some earth shattering thing to not be her/somebody else? I have my own reasons. Reasons which are silly from the word go. But, let's say it again, I know I am better. I am funnier. I have odd friends. I have a blog. I have followers who will lie to make me feel i'm-not-the-only-dull-crayon-in-the-box, that sweet. I can be down-right lame or I can be stone cold, I am that versatile. I smile at random kids, i am that 'cool'. Oh, and I, not her, am a Bombay-iet from heart which makes me a hundred times 'cooler' already! Doesn't help. She is genuinely the sweet thing. Like the kinds who make you look down at your feet and murmur a silent prayer to God for having been so mean? That thought is still ticking inside the brain. Maybe one of these days I'll go tell her this. Compliments can brighten days. I love being nice.

Amen.

Do you realize how much you scare me? Do you realize your loyalty comes across as insanity? Do you realize I could give you up to make this end? Do you realize I'm numb from within everytime your name pops up? What you do not realize is that this is not the way I wanted it to be. You might have come out of a movie or your world is simply unrealistic, but, too bad I don't have a glass slipper I could leave behind.

The perfect words never crossed my mind.

Its dark and its been long. Its cold and they'll all be gone. I don't intend to rhyme, but things will soon change and then my words will all fall into place, and we'll remember each and every and each thing we spoke about last evening. Memories will resemble stardust. The music will be gone, the party will be over. Time will be far too less, people far too many for us to get back together, fighting the crowd. Maybe on a busy lane, or a narrow street, maybe in a workplace buzzing with all sorts of people or at a reunion years later, I'll see you all again, and I'll know precisely why I wanted to freeze these days as an 18 year old back then. Fast-rewinding to the present, I can only wait to be transported into the future. We have too many things and we have to bring them all to life. We have too many dreams and we will never let them die. I promise. For all those times we'v made us feel like we were the best ones around, knowing very well that it isn't true, all I can do is capture a million photographs and make a mention of us here.

I bought a ticket to the rainbow and we shall glide along, the air sweet, the sky purple, the stars sprinkled all over...black and white, with shades of every beautiful colour ever.

That smile just needs an excuse!

After all those days of feeling invisible (y'know, it happens!!) I happened to meet you in what I can only call a bizarre-meet! I came in late for class and sat at the end of the same bench as you. Mid-way through the lecture I heard my name from around the other end of the bench. I din't bother. A moment later you passed me a chit asking me if I was doing a course in interior designing. Is that even a course? I wondered. Miffed. Wrong person! I bent forward and saw you smiling at me, waiting for an answer. I'd never spoken to you. Why would I? But, the miffed-ness just evaporated. I said a sweet 'no' and then I know not how but it ended with you showing me and my friend you'r drawings...they were what I would call 'amazing'. And as we leafed through your book, I came across one of the beautifulmost of your drawoodlings...I was moving my fingers over the smoothness of the pencil shading on the paper when you said: "I made that when I saw you in class the other day...I liked you'r shirt." Sometimes you just need lil things/people to widen that smile a tiddy bit =)

Us, the kayak, the water and my grave.

One day it'll rain...

One day we'll be sailing on a kayak...

The two of us...sailing in a world of our own.

A look at the vast blue blanketing ocean

A thrilled face, a squeal, jazz fingers and we'll dive into the blue water...

The cold gush of water grabbing at me...

I'll soon be dragged into my watery grave...

Waiting for the climax music to play, for sharks to circle around me, for you to kick them left and right, envelope me in your arms and for us to swim to the shore. Together.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Soon I: screaming for help...

And you: swimming further away ...

Rescuing a drowning figure from another kayak.

Sala. How you'r like that man?

A letter to....Cody??

Dear Cody,

I'v been meaning to write you a letter, a letter to someone I do not know. Know not I you. Does it matter? Not matter it does.

I'v been waiting all day long for you. Not that it takes much of an effort to wait, but I have been waiting. I see you everyday. I see you look at me in the eye. And then I see you look away. But wait, if I see myself looking away, how do I know that you look away too? What matters is that we both look at each other. You at me, I at you. I never smile when you are around. I just talk. Cause there are so many things I want you to know. And I believe you do the same. Makes it easier for me to put myself to sleep at night, after battling all those thoughts about you.

I dream. I see us walking. On a street. Past midnight. Into the dawn maybe. Not holding hands, certainly not. We dare not be like every other fairy tale couple. Not. I see us clutching at our coats to evade the bitting cold. Remember we hate the winter? Sometimes I wish we'd be mute. Wouldn't really matter. Maybe you wouldn't be able to sing me a song then, but, I anyway wouldn't understand these songs you'd want to sing. No, let us be mute. That way you wouldn't ever know that all I read is chick lit. That way you wouldn't shatter my heart by talking about her, your 'good friend'...

Maybe we could smile once in a while...your smile dazzling the shit out of me. I wonder if the cold would let me smile? Exactly why I hate the cold. You'd love the cold. You'v been in it all your life. I hope you love walking on the outer side of the pavement. I fear that side. I fear being hit by a car. I fear no-one being around to shield me. Now that you are here, you might as well serve the purpose.

Maybe if I have nothing else to speak of, we'd wait by the side of the road and clear the patch filled with dry leaves, with our feet, crushing them, just like you crushed my heart one day...and I was too full of nothing to revert back. What was I to do if they said you had your heart pinned to some other specimen from Venus?

We could walk a lil more...uphill. In silence. Cause I always wanted you to speak to the real me, to the me that lies deep beneath me...

Maybe you could break the silence to ask me if I was doing well...what with the thick air and the anxiety...uphill we'd walk.

When we reach the end of the road and there is nowhere to go, we'd simply turn and walk back to where we started from. I dont need no climax. No pushing off cliffs or flying high with happiness...All I need is for it to be real.

I won't go home without you...

Even if I have to sell my pricey diamonds for you...

Those looks you steal are a question to me. Still. Always.

I got no name, I got no address, I got no money for stamps.

Its a letter to Cody, a name so fictitious they already think I am deranged.

I like the sound of your name. I hope even as you read this you like the name I just named you after...Cody, the kid from Scary Movie 4.