I feel empty. Like an empty vessel that makes no noise?
Like all solitary, forlorn, abandoned (okay too many beeeeg words.).I'v snuggled happily under a warm blanket and slept for hours. Those'r the only times I'v probably smiled, after I woke up.
I'm real cold these days. My jacket does me no good even under the afternoon sun...I'm just a tad too cold. There is no waking up on the wrong side of the bed anymore. My bed has only one side which apparently turns out to be the wrong side. Things just don't feel right. I din't budge outta my house for precisely a WHOLE (fucking) WEEK! And it felt too good to be good!
Lately, I only like the company of my Mom! She makes me smile. She and the warm blanket. She's taken some time off work and that means I smile a percent more often...I like talking to her over cups of tea. Talking about all things, stupid and stupid. Smart talks are a thing of the past. I love being pampered with hot food for lunch. I love being screamed at for delaying my lunch. I love being cared. I love waking up to see her crib about how I have no sense of time! I love to see her frown when I don't play songs of her liking! I love my Mom!
Have you ever been on a roller coaster? That feeling you get when the thing goes down...like you keep telling yourself, "Its over Its over Its over...just some more time..." I got that feeling in me.
I won't say what everybody's saying...the year is ending blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...
It doesnt matter to me, it never has. It doesn't matter to me if I don't party, go for dinners, get drunk and feel happy...
It doesnt matter if I spend my day researching on my project or painting fridge magnets for kids...
It doesnt matter if I watch Quantum of Solace on the night of 31st...
What matters is that well, I am at \peace/ in my hallroom. Cold. Lonely.Warm.Peaceful. A smile plastered on my mind. Not my face.
No New Year wishes please, i KNOW you want it to be a happy one for me :)
PS: Can't stop listening to Sparks by Coldplay!
Live, Love, Laugh!
