Save Me, San Francisco, summer is here.

Note to self: This summer

• Respect people, be less judgmental and not call them lame out of the blue.
• Eat healthy food and aim at becoming a bean bag.
• Stop doing things for others.
• Stop waking up and checking messages in the middle of the night.
• Write it out more often.
• Get a DSLR + ipod/a class phone.
• Totally cut off contact with people from college so that i miss them terribly and enjoy the trip.
• A haircut, a pair of shoes maybe, a bag, and every possible thing I want/need.
• Do not stalk random people.
• Talk to mom about marriage plans, seriously.
• Download a whole lot of amazing songs.
• Pray day in and out for a nice looking paycheck !
• And, get an eye candy ASAP.

So what if you wont read this?

I almost wanted to jump up and down when it all went fine. Though me and my inability to sound politically intelligent almost jacked us. I can see the smile on my mirror after a real long time and its so smile-y. If not for you I wouldn't have gotten anywhere. My phone bill this month is going to be testimony. You'r like a punching bag, for me. Its been great all along. Its a wonder how you can calm me down when I am worked up and shooting swear words at every thing/human around me. It really is a wonder. I may laugh at you, but really, I dont laugh at you, you know, I know what I mean. You'v been there at all odd times, during exams and during showdowns. You'v been that part of my mind that adds 1+1 and explains to me why the answer was 3 and not 2. You help me rationalize. And that even I can't do. We haven't ever fought, we may have gone different ways for a while, but we'v met around the corner and now I don't see us parting ways. I'll make sure. Not until I become smart enough to sound politically intelligent. You'v placed bets on my love life and we'v bitched about strange people that surround us. You'v come shopping and stood outside trial rooms for crazy hours. I'v gifted you trash and you'v taken it like it were a million dollar bucks. We fit like we were meant to fit in. You know me, I know you. we 'know know' each other. And even as I struggle under this annoying writer's block phase, I was hell bent on writing this for you, favvv friend. Kyle, sometimes I'll be staring at a billboard and I remember forgotten people, out of a strange big blue moon...it happened today.

If you miss the train I'm on, you'll know that I am gone.

Theres too much action happening everywhere and right in the middle of all that I sometimes simply wish to stand still and stand still some more. And give a tired smile, just like the one I give random people I don't even know. I'v seen a lot of bloodied pictures that'v made me flinch back. I'm supposed to sound intelligent and talk about human rights in some godforsakensuffering country. And so, to me it seems like i'm cashing on the agony of someone else. To get a nice bright-looking grade. My good old mother is miffed cause I'v asked her to not care so much for me. She won't talk. I'v slept little. And i fear am going to join the stick-figure club soon. I'v met a lot of new people and I feel a bit lost and disoriented. I'm amazed at how good I am at getting over things/people. I never knew. Its easy and simple, for me. Its not really the best thing, they say. I feel colourful. I feel pretty. I feel wanted. I feel missed. I feel happy. And if that isn't it, you'r making me feel special. I know it ain't going to last, but whattheheck. I want you to not believe me when I say I have nothing/no one on my mind. Please dont. I genuinely fall for each of your scribblings. You don't find people who write things for their mothers. And, admit it. You do and that I think is nice. Someday I wish to glue your photograph under the honey-coated-muffins section of my scrapbook. Oh and, I have been thinking typing erasing a bit too often. Must be the writers block phase? Makes me sound important. I hate it. So, I'm down with writers block syndrome. I'm leaving on a jet plane don't know when I'll be back again...

That smile just needs an excuse!

After all those days of feeling invisible (y'know, it happens!!) I happened to meet you in what I can only call a bizarre-meet! I came in late for class and sat at the end of the same bench as you. Mid-way through the lecture I heard my name from around the other end of the bench. I din't bother. A moment later you passed me a chit asking me if I was doing a course in interior designing. Is that even a course? I wondered. Miffed. Wrong person! I bent forward and saw you smiling at me, waiting for an answer. I'd never spoken to you. Why would I? But, the miffed-ness just evaporated. I said a sweet 'no' and then I know not how but it ended with you showing me and my friend you'r drawings...they were what I would call 'amazing'. And as we leafed through your book, I came across one of the beautifulmost of your drawoodlings...I was moving my fingers over the smoothness of the pencil shading on the paper when you said: "I made that when I saw you in class the other day...I liked you'r shirt." Sometimes you just need lil things/people to widen that smile a tiddy bit =)

Wyanet, you'r the best ^.^

My bestestestestest faaaavvv friend made me this bag and its soooo pwetty i can't stop ^____^ ing!!!

Basically she stitched it painted it and all that!! Pour Moi!! I feel e-special!!!

I laaaaaavies it and her bazixillion much!! I want her to be my boyfriend =( don't i have sexxxy friends??!!!!!! Wyanet Vaz, you'r the best!!!!!!!!

PS: note the brand name at the bottom ;) Means 'dear love' in french!! (ok if its grammatically incorrect, excuse us we suck at that lingo!!)

Is it only ME?

I attended my first meet for my college newsletter.

(news update: I got selected as a cartoonist, the only one that is, and a writer. i am kinda happy cause lets face it, time to start focusing on "the CV".)

And in the meet, I was surrounded by these literature students who totally and always and never fail to freak me out. like bad. I dint speak a word. Just kept observing everyone. They kept going yadda yadda yadda about stuff and my composed smile helped me fake it bad, at "I am totally loving this tête-à-tête" =|Trust me, there is nothing that disappoints you like THAT. you know, the feeling when others know things better than you and you dont know nothing at all? Ask me. They spoke of things,events,people,characters,words,greek mythology (even that.) with so much ease. My stomach started rumbling tumbling making me want to faint right then and there. Probably that wouldn't have mattered cause doubt if they'd notice a lil frail thing go kaput from the scene. I wanted to cry. I want to cry at all times, though I haven't cried for ages now, but still. I wanted my mom. Cause my mom thinks i'm smart. My mom is the good one. These people who were discussing food and cuisines are evil and bad. I mean food is meant to be eaten no? Then why dissect food?

All i remember of the 1 and a half hour I spent in alien land is that in the first half I stared and stared at this article they had passed around, it made NO sense at all to me, but nevertheless I kept reading it, trying to pass time. Then when I realized that everyone must have noticed that i'd been reading it for an obnoxiously long time, I started looking out for escape. Some friend, some foe, some human who'd come RUNNING, shoot all of them down and save me. Talk to me about how the pineapple juice in my canteen tasted sour today or may be discuss what Xyz did with Pqr in the absence of Abc...

No-one came. They, the aliens, probably think I'm a woman on a mission. Out there to create History. be the dumbest member on the board evaaaaah. Whatever, they din't bother me, I din't bother them. Aliens aren't half bad. Aliens talk about Greek mythology. Yes. And aliens want NO gossip in the newsletter. (i mean whaaaaaatthefuck.) Aliens worship shake-s-pear. I don't like the way he looks.

Okay, towards the end of it, as every alien retired to his/her planet, and I was left all alone, i RAN to the canteen and picked up a gooooooey chocolate pastry and walked out of college coolly, like nothing ever happened. Like no-one ever poked and poked and poked at my intellect. Like I never felt this dumb.Like I had read every frigging book ever written in the universe. Like I was ton times smarter than their grandfathers. But, well, to think of it, Life isn't that simple. Bitch.

I wonder what to do? Shopping won't help. Food-ing wont help. Reading, i don't want to. End of discussion.

But, i do feel genuinely unintelligent okay. Today. Maybe working in a shoe-laundry shop will suit me.

Wonder why they chose me? I had warned them I can't talk/write heavy stuff for nuts. Maybe, my life is like that movie, Dinner Game(french)/Bheja Fry(hindi). Not the best flick-turned-into-life-story case. I want to be one happy famous rich popular cartoonist. Nothing else.

Whatever, I love wearing oversized formal shirts cause they make me look fatties ^.^ and that is the moral of the story.

Live Love Laugh.

My kid(s) !!!

^ that boy, Shabir, is the one i adopted and survived/hung out with for a whole day ^_^ He is JUST LIKE ME: sooooooo (fucking) indifferent, i wanted to scream :/ but well, think i did crack the nut a beeeet by the end of today!! He's sweet, cause he bees just like me :P Oh and he chose my cute guy of all people when he wanted to go to the loo and i couldn't accompany him inside giving me a chance (pe dance) to say thank you, you know, all smiling smiling !!!! He's my hero!!

And that girl, Soni, I was her guardian of sorts cause she wouldn't get along well with her real 'parent'. She's this cutie pie who would ask for permission everytime she'd even inhale air :P Love. Cute.

And THAT drawing/doodle is what I made for Shabby baby in one of our workshops on career counceling!! Technically he was supposed to do it, but well he was a bit mixed up about Superman and Spiderman and I could keep myself away from drawing something silly and I had already drawn the 'princess' for Soni suggesting that that be her career :P (??!?!)

I am going to have a ball with my baby Shabby tomorrow!!! Or so i hope :)

Wondering, Me, Shabir and Cute guy would make such a happy family, tiny silent sweet indifferent people :P

I am an awesome parent. I think so. I bugged my kid until he finally gave up and poke to me :P

Ring-a-ring-a-rose.

Things playing ring-a-ring-a-roses in my head right now.

i went SHOPPING. Dont like A tee I picked up. Spent a LOT. LOVE my Gmom. have nothing TRADitional to wear. Sick of EGGS. Tap doesnt have water. Room is MESSED up. CUTE BOY is cuter/sweeter than i thought. HE is everything I am NOT. INTELLIGENT.I want him. I want CLARKE. I want a vacation. I want to PASS my french EXAM. I want a COOLSEXXXYAWESOME bag. I have to CLICK photographs. COMPLETE projects. LIFE est la chienne. CHIENNE means BITCH. I am HUNGRY. clothes have to be SORTED. LOVE my life, however, whatever it IS.

And...

THIS BEE'S MERA 100th POST!!!! *Claps*

Class 06-08 <3

Actually, right now, i miss JC and my class soooo much, that, well, i just feel like putting up a picca of all of us :(